Darkness, the things she feared the most.Mei Li felt terrible, as if she were still struggling to survive in the water that threatened to engulf her. Every breath was difficult. She cried out, wanting to open her eyes, to grasp onto anything that would allow her to survive. It felt like she was once again return to the midst of a raging fire. The scorching heat that making every inch of her skin painful and tears evaporated as soon as they flowed from her eyes.
She called for help, but no one came. She gave up, collapsing into the flames, turning into a wisp of light smoke with no other choice.
Choking, her forehead suddenly felt cool. The real sensation pulled her back from the chaotic dream. Unable to open her eyes, she weakly requested water. Someone actually brought water to her lips, and fearing it might be a dream, she eagerly drank it down.
“Mei Li…” The voice was so familiar. Was it Yonghe? No, Yonghe wouldn’t sound so sorrowful.
“Mei Li…” Her hand was held in a pair of cold hands. “Mei Li, as long as I have you, it’s enough.” He said, and she weakly furrowed her brow, recognizing the helplessness in his tone, as if… he was admonishing himself.
Feeling a bit anxious, she wanted to open her eyes to see if it was really Yonghe. The surroundings were noisy, as if she had missed some crucial moments in her confused state. Many people were speaking softly, like they were arguing. Her head ached.
Suddenly, a woman exclaimed loudly, “She can’t! She will ruin you!”
Mei Li couldn’t distinguish whose voice it was, but the tone of despair and anger left a mark on her heart.
Bitter medicine was poured into her mouth. She knew how precious the medicine was, so she dared not frown. She swallowed it with difficulty, almost choking. In her urgency, she unexpectedly opened her eyes.
She saw Yonghe, and her breath quickened. She wanted to tell him not to worry, that she was fine, that she hadn’t died! But in the next moment, she froze. Was the person sitting silently by her bed really Yonghe? He hadn’t even noticed that she had awakened. Why did Yonghe look so expressionless, and why were his eyes so cold?
“Princess?” Hongling, who was helping her drink the medicine, called her in surprise. Yonghe trembled slightly, turning his face to look at her. Mei Li sighed in relief; it was him! His gaze, his smile, were still warm, and she breathed a long sigh of relief.
“Feeling better?” He came over, replacing Hongling to support her, letting her lean comfortably against his chest.
“Am I sick?” Mei Li asked, realizing that the struggle in the water and fire was just a hallucination during her illness. She turned her eyes around. “Where is this…” She was in a room, the lazy sunlight indicating that it was probably afternoon.
“This is Chengde Palace.” Yonghe smiled, taking the towel handed over by Hongling to wipe away the beads of sweat on her forehead.
Chengde? She was a bit surprised. How long had she been sick? Her expression suddenly stiffened. How… did she come back? Did Jingxuan bring her back? A strong sense of unease surged in her heart.
“I…” She had many questions, but Yonghe’s gentle yet firm words interrupted her.
“Being back is good! The rest…” He quickly furrowed his brow, a hint of the unfamiliar expression appearing again in his smiling eyes – a determined resolve. “…is not important! Let’s focus on getting you well. Are you hungry? I’ll go call someone to bring some food.”
He left the room, whispering something to the palace maids outside. She only caught “…don’t let her see…”
Yonghe had something going on! Her heart became heavy, and breathing became difficult again. She looked at Hongling standing by the bed, who unexpectedly avoided her gaze.
“What happened?” She asked seriously, her voice floating in the air due to her weakened state.
“Nothing, Princess, drink some more water.” Hongling forced a smile, turning to get water.
“How did I come back?” Mei Li looked straight at her, vaguely sensing the crux of everything.
Hongling held the cup, looking troubled. She stood stiffly by the table, not answering.
“Hongling…” She almost begged with her eyes.
Hongling shook her head in distress, and Princess would know sooner or later. It was better to tell her early, so she could be mentally prepared. “Prince Qing carried you back.”
Because Prince Qing had urgent matters to attend to, everyone realized he was missing, and it finally alarmed the Empress Dowager. Concerned about any mishaps, the Empress Dowager reported it to the Emperor. They conducted a thorough investigation into who Prince Qing had seen before his disappearance and found a eunuch named Xiaobinzi. Xiaobinzi, frightened, summoned Jingxian and Yindi. Yindi cried and shouted like crazy to save someone, and that was when everyone learned the whole story. Yonghe, with a large number of guards, searched all night and even had given up hope. The Empress Dowager was anxious to the point of falling ill.
Unexpectedly, Prince Qing carried the Princess back at dawn. Hongling stopped here, anxiously looking at Mei Li, who had turned pale. She couldn’t bring herself to describe the scene at that time. The Princess was not wearing anything, wrapped only in Prince Qing’s half-damp robe, and he carried her into the tent in front of everyone.
On the way to Chengde, Prince Qing stayed close in the carriage, and only after arriving at the palace could Yonghe see the Mei Li. People were discussing it, spreading malicious rumors. Yindi cried so much that she fell ill, and Ying Ru Furen had come to find Yonghe several times. In the end, they even had a quarrel in this room… How could she explain all of this to the Princess?
“Ying Ru Furen… came here?” Hongling stopped and didn’t say more. Mei Li didn’t press for details, silently sinking into contemplation for a long time before suddenly asking, “Did she said something in here?”
“Did you hear it all?!” Hongling was somewhat surprised.
Mei Li clenched her teeth. That voice belonged to Yonghe’s mother.
“She can’t… She will ruin you!” Mei Li… I only need you. She finally understood why Yonghe’s eyes held such emotions and the pain in his words.
The door was gently pushed open by a palace maid, and Jingxuan walked in with a faint smile, seemingly in a good mood. He was dressed in a finely made dark blue robe, giving him an air of nobility and grace. His handsome face carried a triumphant expression.
Should she scold him? Should she resent him?
She simply watched him indifferently as he effortlessly sat on the chair by the couch. Hongling moved to prepare tea for him, but he waved his hand casually, refusing her gesture, as if he were the master of the room.
Her cold gaze made him frown. “Everyone, leave!” His instructions to the servants carried a hint of anger.
Once they were alone in the room, she still remained silent and expressionless, staring at him intently.
“Blaming me?” He sneered, his good mood shattered, and a cruel, ruthless expression took over his eyes.
“Why?” She looked at him, she had always wanted to ask him why!
“I leave you on the mountain just because you’re sick?” He glared back at her, without a hint of guilt.
She continued to stare at him. This excuse sounded so feeble; he had a thousand ways to handle this situation if he wanted to.
“Why?” She asked with the same tone, stubbornly.
A hint of brutality flashed in his eyes. Did she have such a lifeless expression only because she lost that man? “Why?” He chuckled, his eyes turning harsh. “As long as I have a trace of reluctance towards you, I won’t let you go to another man!”
She sighed, just a trace of reluctance? She could finally smile bitterly and close her eyes. Yes, this reason was sufficient for him. Whether abandoning her or bringing her back, it was all at his whim; he had always lived so recklessly.
“I’m not forcing you; I want you to choose for yourself.” He sneered, slamming the table and storming out, leaving the room.
The tears that had never fallen in front of him finally surged out of her tightly closed eyes. Did he even need to force her personally? Despite Yonghe’s attempts to conceal it, the sadness that emerged from the depths of his eyes had already torn her heart apart! Marrying her would ruin his future; mockery and disdain would follow him for a lifetime!
If he scolded her loudly, blamed her, or even abandoned her, she wouldn’t feel as miserable as she did now. She had given him so little from the beginning, and now, what he bestowed upon her, she could no longer afford. Her humble family background, her laughable past—she could convince herself that she could repay him by being filial to his parents, managing household affairs for him, bearing and raising children for him, giving him her wholehearted love. Now, the price he had to pay for marrying her was something she couldn’t repay even with her life. She would become the biggest stain in his life and career.
Without her, his future would be smooth and bright. With such wonderful parents, good looks, and temperament, he could marry the best girl… She had always known this, that’s why she had been understanding of Ying Ru Furen’s complaints and regrets.
Traveling to Jiangnan together… She couldn’t help but cry. When he mentioned it, she felt that happiness was too unreal. She had joked with herself about her obsessive worries becoming a sickness. Finally, this dream had become the most beautiful and unattainable one in her life.
Yonghe watched as the servants brought in plain porridge. He gently helped her sit up, his smile as warm as ever. He carefully blew on the porridge spoonful by spoonful, feeding her as if nothing had happened. Yet, the sorrow in his eyes… she could see it clearly, because that deep sadness had never been there before!
She ate the whole bowl of porridge, and only then did he breathe a sigh of relief. He lovingly smoothed her disheveled hair, helped her lie down, and covered her with the blanket. “Sleep. If you need anything, call for Hongling to find me.” He gazed deeply at her misty yet smiling eyes, his focused and affectionate gaze made her want to cry out loud. She held back; she just let a tear silently fall.
“Yonghe, nothing happened.” She wanted to explain to him, even though they were destined to miss each other, she wanted him to understand that the woman he liked had not done anything to betray him.
“Yeah, I know.” He smiled, using his slender fingers to wipe away her tears.
She almost used up all her patience, not reaching out to hold his hand, not pleading for him to abandon everything and take her away. In her life… there would never be another person who could love her like this, who could look at her with such eyes! She suddenly wanted to be selfish just once; she couldn’t bear to part with him.
She finally held back; his warm hand was now so cold. Even if he decided to marry her, he would carry guilt towards his parents. He was their pride, but because of his obsession with a woman with a notorious reputation, he would let his parents down completely. How could she not understand him? He was so kind, so filial.
She bit her lip, successfully forcing herself to smile. “Yonghe, take care of yourself too.”
He smiled back when he reached the door, and as all the tears gushed out when he turned away, she cried silently, afraid that he would hear and turn back… The only thing she could repay him with was to let him go, to disappear from his life.